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Steven Wright Quotes


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Quotes by Steven Wright

Showing 101-110 of 181 Quotes by Steven Wright

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.

~Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

~Steven Wright

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I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

~Steven Wright

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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

~Steven Wright

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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

~Steven Wright

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When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

~Steven Wright

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If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

~Steven Wright

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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

~Steven Wright

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When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

~Steven Wright

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: December 6th, 1955

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