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George Carlin Quotes


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Quotes by George Carlin

Showing 31-40 of 53 Quotes by George Carlin

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

~George Carlin

Topics: All Day Always Day Got How Impatient Says Someone Wonder You

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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

~George Carlin

Topics: Bar Candy Chocolate Eating Feeling Know Odd Sitting Toilet You

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The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

~George Carlin

Topics: Accept Answers Myself Only Reason Talk Whose

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

~George Carlin

Topics: Always Delivering Eulogy Listening Realize Relieved Someone

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At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

~George Carlin

Topics: Always Bathroom Closest Death Dinner Dinner Party Formal Nearest Party Person Seated Should

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One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

~George Carlin

Topics: Area Deserted Know Like Looks Never Sure

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

~George Carlin

Topics: Bad Because Girl He Jolly Knows Live Main Main Reason Reason Santa Where

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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

~George Carlin

Topics: Authority Believe Just Many Much People Pope Who

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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

~George Carlin

Topics: Charge Could Find Him Just Out

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

~George Carlin

Topics: Am Could English English Language Language Longest Sentence Shortest I Am

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 12th, 1937

Died: June 22nd, 2008

Links

Find George Carlin on Amazon

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