KeenBrain
KeenBrain
KeenBrain

George Carlin Quotes


Share this page on

Quotes by George Carlin

Showing 31-40 of 53 Quotes by George Carlin

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

~George Carlin

Topics: All Day Always Day Got How Impatient Says Someone Wonder You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

~George Carlin

Topics: Bar Candy Chocolate Eating Feeling Know Odd Sitting Toilet You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

~George Carlin

Topics: Accept Answers Myself Only Reason Talk Whose

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

~George Carlin

Topics: Always Delivering Eulogy Listening Realize Relieved Someone

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

~George Carlin

Topics: Always Bathroom Closest Death Dinner Dinner Party Formal Nearest Party Person Seated Should

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

~George Carlin

Topics: Area Deserted Know Like Looks Never Sure

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

~George Carlin

Topics: Bad Because Girl He Jolly Knows Live Main Main Reason Reason Santa Where

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

~George Carlin

Topics: Authority Believe Just Many Much People Pope Who

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

~George Carlin

Topics: Charge Could Find Him Just Out

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

~George Carlin

Topics: Am Could English English Language Language Longest Sentence Shortest I Am

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 12th, 1937

Died: June 22nd, 2008

Links

Find George Carlin on Amazon

Related Authors

Mike Birbiglia
Lewis Black
Dane Cook
Bill Dana
Ellen Degeneres
Brian Dunkleman
P. J. O'Rourke
Amy Schumer
Scott Thompson
Damon Wayans

Popular Authors

Joyce Brothers Bill Burr W. Edwards Deming Charles Dickens Zora Neale Hurston Franklin D. Roosevelt William Arthur Ward Virginia Woolf

Change your beliefs...change your life.

Get a related quote or insight every day.

(it's 100% free)

Follow Us On

Today's Birthdays

1882 - Franklin D. Roosevelt

1775 - Walter Savage Landor

1781 - Adelbert Von Chamisso

1846 - F. H. Bradley

1866 - Gelett Burgess

1909 - Saul Alinsky

1912 - Francis Schaeffer

1912 - Barbara Tuchman

1912 - Barbara W. Tuchman

1919 - Fred Korematsu

Birthdays on January 30th
All Birthdays

Popular Topics

Amazing Father's Day Marriage New Year's Patience Teacher Truth Wisdom