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Mitch Hedberg Quotes


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Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Showing 41-50 of 59 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

~Mitch Hedberg

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I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

~Mitch Hedberg

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A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

~Mitch Hedberg

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I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

~Mitch Hedberg

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I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

~Mitch Hedberg

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My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

~Mitch Hedberg

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All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

~Mitch Hedberg

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Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

~Mitch Hedberg

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I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

~Mitch Hedberg

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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

~Mitch Hedberg

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: February 24th, 1968

Died: March 30th, 2005

Links

Find Mitch Hedberg on Amazon

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