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Jim Gaffigan Quotes


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Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Showing 1-10 of 30 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.

~Jim Gaffigan

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I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.'

~Jim Gaffigan

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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

~Jim Gaffigan

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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

~Jim Gaffigan

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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.

~Jim Gaffigan

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You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

~Jim Gaffigan

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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

~Jim Gaffigan

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Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

~Jim Gaffigan

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I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

~Jim Gaffigan

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I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.

~Jim Gaffigan

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: July 7th, 1966

Links

Find Jim Gaffigan on Amazon

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