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Jay Leno Quotes


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Quotes by Jay Leno

Showing 11-20 of 40 Quotes by Jay Leno

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

~Jay Leno

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For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!

~Jay Leno

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Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.

~Jay Leno

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My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

~Jay Leno

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Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

~Jay Leno

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Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

~Jay Leno

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Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

~Jay Leno

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I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.

~Jay Leno

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In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.

~Jay Leno

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If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

~Jay Leno

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: April 28th, 1950

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