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George Carlin Quotes


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Quotes by George Carlin

Showing 11-20 of 53 Quotes by George Carlin

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

~George Carlin

Topics: About Did Going Know Only

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

~George Carlin

Topics: Asked Bookstore Defeat Me Purpose Said Section Self-Help She Would

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

~George Carlin

Topics: America Born Freak Front Get Row Seat Show Ticket You

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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

~George Carlin

Topics: Foot Hands Life Step You Your

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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

~George Carlin

Topics: Arrange Beat Beaten Them You

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

~George Carlin

Topics: Both Certain Church Church And State Death Enough Favor Idea Institutions Own Screw Separation State Them Together Two Up Us

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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

~George Carlin

Topics: Enough Enough Money Fired Get Hard Just Money Most Paid People Quit Work

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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

~George Carlin

Topics: Future Immediate Only Past Present Recent

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

~George Carlin

Topics: Argument Ate Every Family Going Had Nice Night Other Real Restaurant Table

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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

~George Carlin

Topics: Atheism Organization

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 12th, 1937

Died: June 22nd, 2008

Links

Find George Carlin on Amazon

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