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Emo Philips Quotes


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Quotes by Emo Philips

Showing 31-40 of 41 Quotes by Emo Philips

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Any Bar Get Gum Lucky Night Other Them Trying

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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Alone Night Other Sleeping Thanks

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I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Bet Great Lover

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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Anyone Because Devil Life Loved Loved One Time Toughest You

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Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Brother Hello Says Speech Therapy Well

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Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Beat Costume Dress Get Little Live Something Squash Them Up Warm Women You

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I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

~Emo Philips

Topics: Another Another Man Bed Crushed Discovered Get Man Me Off Said Two Wife You

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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Any Gave Guns Our School Some Way Were You

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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Door Friend Imaginary Kid Next

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Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

~Emo Philips

Topics: Actually Dutch German Missionaries Released Return Two Cd

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: February 7th, 1956

Links

Find Emo Philips on Amazon

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