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Demetri Martin Quotes


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Quotes by Demetri Martin

Showing 41-50 of 88 Quotes by Demetri Martin

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Because Disposal Garbage Out Own Plumbing Screwed Turns Up

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I never set out to do a sketch show.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Never Out Set Show Sketch

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For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.'

~Demetri Martin

Topics: About Before Church Come Dropped Everybody Example For Example Go God Home House Intern Knew Law Law School Oh Oh My God Out Say School Summer White White House Working Would You

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And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Being Day Forward Looking Looking Forward Morning Only Right Right Track Rule Then Things Track Wake

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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Dangerous Driver Drunk He Persuasive Very

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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Avoid Places Politics Ropes Tend Velvet

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I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: About Average Average Person Dead Grateful Grateful Dead Hendrix Jimi Hendrix Know Much Over Person Where Who Woodstock Your

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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Constraints Dealing Figure Freedom Get Multiple Out Say Sense Structure They Say You

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It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Basic Comedy Course Exclusive Forms Jokes Most Mutually Mutually Exclusive Seems Stories Two

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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

~Demetri Martin

Topics: Am Buy Everything Good Now Play Realized Sports Then Trophies Used You I Am

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 25th, 1973

Links

Find Demetri Martin on Amazon

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