KeenBrain
KeenBrain
KeenBrain

Alan King Quotes


Share this page on

Quotes by Alan King

Showing 1-10 of 55 Quotes by Alan King

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

~Alan King

Topics: After Again Apple Cloudy Drank Even Every Gave Get Had Held Her Hospital Juice Like Little Me Morning Nurse One Morning Poured Run Said Specimen Them Through Took Tube Up

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.

~Alan King

Topics: Absorb Good Good Things Learn Look Museums Places Things

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'

~Alan King

Topics: About After Answered Asked Astonished Become Better Catholic Convert Deathbed Declaring Did Die Elderly He Hear His Jew Life Living Priest Relatives Sent Should Than Them Us Want Who Why Would You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

~Alan King

Topics: About Always Around Because Birthday Celebrating Everybody Father Get Great Great Thing Joke Kid Me New Older Tell Thing Time Trees Used Year You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

~Alan King

Topics: Allowed Been Being Comeback Easy Father

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.

~Alan King

Topics: Age Any Approach Because Born Character Come Comedian Different Every Every Time Everybody Formula Great Had Kind Makes Me One Thing Refreshing Says Style Thing Time Were Where Which You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I can't stay friends with anyone who doesn't have a passion for something; and, generally speaking, artistic people, creative people carry it right into the kitchen, too. They have a zest for life; the excitement of living. All of the great eaters I've known are also men of great wit.

~Alan King

Topics: Also Anyone Artistic Carry Creative Creative People Excitement Friends Generally Great Kitchen Known Life Living Men Passion People Right Something Speaking Stay Too Who Wit Zest

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

~Alan King

Topics: Fighting Keeping Marriage Nature Strangers Us Way

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

~Alan King

Topics: Certain Crime Get Humor Hypochondriac Jew Joke Miser Objectively Only Refer Say Some Speaking Stage Stereotypical Would

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.

~Alan King

Topics: Alongside Dictionary He Just Look Made Milton Party Right Says Took Tremendous Up Vaudeville Which You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: December 26th, 1927

Died: May 9th, 2004

Links

Find Alan King on Amazon

Related Authors

George Carlin
Rodney Dangerfield
W. C. Fields
Mitch Hedberg
Groucho Marx
P. J. O'Rourke
Robin Williams
Steven Wright

Popular Authors

Jane Austen Ralph Waldo Emerson Toni Morrison Georgia O'Keeffe Alexander Pope Jenn Proske Vladimir Putin Andy Warhol

Change your beliefs...change your life.

Get a related quote or insight every day.

(it's 100% free)

Follow Us On

Today's Birthdays

1737 - Thomas Paine

1880 - W. C. Fields

1954 - Oprah Winfrey

1688 - Emanuel Swedenborg

1761 - Albert Gallatin

1841 - Henry Morton Stanley

1843 - William Mckinley

1850 - Lawrence Hargrave

1860 - Anton Chekhov

1862 - Frederick Delius

Birthdays on January 29th
All Birthdays

Popular Topics

Anniversary Dreams Environmental Mother's Day Peace Politics Thankful Truth