KeenBrain
KeenBrain
KeenBrain

Tommy Cooper Quotes


Share this page on

Quotes by Tommy Cooper

Showing 1-10 of 12 Quotes by Tommy Cooper

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

~Tommy Cooper

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Biography

Nationality: British

Type: Comedian

Born: March 19th, 1921

Died: April 15th, 1984

Links

Find Tommy Cooper on Amazon

Related Authors

Jo Brand
Rory Bremner
Graham Chapman
Amy Hoggart
Richard Murdoch
John Oliver
Matt Roper
Mark Thomas
Tracey Ullman
Arabella Weir

Popular Authors

Francis Bacon Ralph Waldo Emerson Thomas Jefferson Steve Jobs Michael Jordan John Mccain Jenn Proske Vladimir Putin

Change your beliefs...change your life.

Get a related quote or insight every day.

(it's 100% free)

Follow Us On

Today's Birthdays

1675 - Edward Teach

1804 - Franklin Pierce

1860 - Hjalmar Branting

1862 - Gilbert Parker

1887 - Boris Karloff

1888 - Harpo Marx

1896 - Klement Gottwald

1916 - Michael Gough

1919 - P. F. Strawson

1920 - Paul Celan

Birthdays on November 23rd
All Birthdays

Popular Topics

Anniversary Equality Failure Forgiveness Medical Mom Positive Valentine's Day