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Tim Vine Quotes


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Quotes by Tim Vine

Showing 1-10 of 32 Quotes by Tim Vine

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

~Tim Vine

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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

~Tim Vine

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

~Tim Vine

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

~Tim Vine

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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

~Tim Vine

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So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

~Tim Vine

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I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

~Tim Vine

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As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.

~Tim Vine

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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

~Tim Vine

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So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

~Tim Vine

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Biography

Nationality: British

Type: Comedian

Born: March 4th, 1967

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Find Tim Vine on Amazon

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