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Steven Wright Quotes


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Quotes by Steven Wright

Showing 61-70 of 181 Quotes by Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

~Steven Wright

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I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

~Steven Wright

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It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.

~Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

~Steven Wright

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Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

~Steven Wright

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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

~Steven Wright

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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

~Steven Wright

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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

~Steven Wright

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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

~Steven Wright

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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

~Steven Wright

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: December 6th, 1955

Links

Find Steven Wright on Amazon

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