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Phyllis Diller Quotes


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Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Showing 1-10 of 43 Quotes by Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

~Phyllis Diller

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Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

~Phyllis Diller

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

~Phyllis Diller

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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

~Phyllis Diller

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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

~Phyllis Diller

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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

~Phyllis Diller

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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

~Phyllis Diller

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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

~Phyllis Diller

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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

~Phyllis Diller

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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

~Phyllis Diller

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: July 17th, 1917

Died: August 20th, 2012

Links

Find Phyllis Diller on Amazon

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