KeenBrain
KeenBrain
KeenBrain

Mitch Hedberg Quotes


Share this page on

Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Showing 11-20 of 59 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

~Mitch Hedberg

Topics: None

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: February 24th, 1968

Died: March 30th, 2005

Links

Find Mitch Hedberg on Amazon

Related Authors

Joy Behar
Dave Chappelle
Norm Crosby
Jeff Garlin
Brandon T. Jackson
Jen Kirkman
Loni Love
John Mulaney
Joe Rogan
Reggie Watts

Popular Authors

Eartha Kitt Beyonce Knowles Jenn Proske Joan Rivers Albert Schweitzer Frank Sinatra Socrates Alexis De Tocqueville

Change your beliefs...change your life.

Get a related quote or insight every day.

(it's 100% free)

Follow Us On

Today's Birthdays

1930 - Warren Buffett

1748 - Jacques-Louis David

1797 - Mary Shelley

1811 - Theophile Gautier

1855 - Evelyn De Morgan

1871 - Ernest Rutherford

1884 - Theodor Svedberg

1893 - Huey Long

1901 - John Gunther

1906 - Joan Blondell

Birthdays on August 30th
All Birthdays

Popular Topics

Experience Famous Mother's Day Politics Religion Science Truth Wedding