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Joan Rivers Quotes


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Quotes by Joan Rivers

Showing 71-80 of 132 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

~Joan Rivers

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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

~Joan Rivers

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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

~Joan Rivers

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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

~Joan Rivers

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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

~Joan Rivers

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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

~Joan Rivers

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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

~Joan Rivers

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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

~Joan Rivers

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Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

~Joan Rivers

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Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

~Joan Rivers

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: June 8th, 1933

Died: September 4th, 2014

Links

Find Joan Rivers on Amazon

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