KeenBrain
KeenBrain
KeenBrain

Fred Allen Quotes


Share this page on

Quotes by Fred Allen

Showing 11-20 of 50 Quotes by Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Either Form Income Income Tax Laundry Like List Lose Shirt Tax Way You Your

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Biological Estimation Hole Life Make Men Objective Only Shoulders Six Strange Terminate Whose You

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Back Case College Day Got Graduated Law Learned Sued Tuition Well Won

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Advertising Advertising Agency Agency Commission Confusion Percent

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Drawn Good Hanging He Makes Man Puns Quoted Should Too Who

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Appointed Committee Group Unnecessary Unprepared Unwilling

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Always Faces Names Remember Remembering Thing Things Third Three Trouble

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Afraid Ask Autographs Church Even God Might Movie Movie Stars Recognize Some Stars Sunglasses Them Wear

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

~Fred Allen

Topics: First First Thing Paris Strikes Taxi The First Thing Thing Visitor

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Agent Better Even Good Magnify Press Star Telescope Thousand Thousand Times Times Will

Keywords: None


Suggest an Edit


Cite the source


Save to Favorites


Collect


Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 31st, 1894

Died: March 17th, 1956

Links

Find Fred Allen on Amazon

Related Authors

George Carlin
Rodney Dangerfield
W. C. Fields
Mitch Hedberg
Groucho Marx
P. J. O'Rourke
Robin Williams
Steven Wright

Popular Authors

Ludwig Van Beethoven Noam Chomsky Kim Kardashian Tony Robbins Arthur Schopenhauer B. F. Skinner Linus Torvalds William Arthur Ward

Change your beliefs...change your life.

Get a related quote or insight every day.

(it's 100% free)

Follow Us On

Today's Birthdays

1770 - William Wordsworth

1648 - John Sheffield

1718 - Hugh Blair

1772 - Charles Fourier

1775 - Francis Cabot Lowell

1780 - William Ellery Channing

1873 - John Mcgraw

1874 - Frederick Carl Frieseke

1881 - Daisy Ashford

1889 - Gabriela Mistral

Birthdays on April 7th
All Birthdays

Popular Topics

Happiness Health Moving On Saint Patrick's Day Science Sports Sympathy Veterans Day