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Fred Allen Quotes


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Quotes by Fred Allen

Showing 11-20 of 50 Quotes by Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Either Form Income Income Tax Laundry Like List Lose Shirt Tax Way You Your

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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Biological Estimation Hole Life Make Men Objective Only Shoulders Six Strange Terminate Whose You

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I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Back Case College Day Got Graduated Law Learned Sued Tuition Well Won

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Advertising Advertising Agency Agency Commission Confusion Percent

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Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Drawn Good Hanging He Makes Man Puns Quoted Should Too Who

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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Appointed Committee Group Unnecessary Unprepared Unwilling

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I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Always Faces Names Remember Remembering Thing Things Third Three Trouble

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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Afraid Ask Autographs Church Even God Might Movie Movie Stars Recognize Some Stars Sunglasses Them Wear

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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

~Fred Allen

Topics: First First Thing Paris Strikes Taxi The First Thing Thing Visitor

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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

~Fred Allen

Topics: Agent Better Even Good Magnify Press Star Telescope Thousand Thousand Times Times Will

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Comedian

Born: May 31st, 1894

Died: March 17th, 1956

Links

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