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Deborah Tannen Quotes


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Quotes by Deborah Tannen

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A sister is like yourself in a different movie, a movie that stars you in a different life.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Different Different Life Life Like Movie Sister Stars You Yourself

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A sister is someone who owns part of what you own: a house, perhaps, or a less tangible legacy, like memories of your childhood and the experience of your family.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Childhood Experience Family House Legacy Less Like Memories Own Owns Part Perhaps Sister Someone Tangible Who You Your

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In some ways, siblings, and especially sisters, are more influential in your childhood than your parents.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Childhood Influential More Parents Sibling Sisters Some Than Ways Your

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Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Act Alone Balancing Communication Concert Conflicting Independence Intimacy Juggling Needs Others Ourselves Rather Simply Survive Than To Survive Wheel World

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We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: About Feel Regret Roads Taken

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If women talk in ways expected of them or project a feminine demeanor, it's seen as weak. But if they talk in ways associated with men or bosses, then they're seen as too aggressive. Whatever they do violates one or the other expectation: either you're not talking as you should as a woman or as boss.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Aggressive Associated Boss Bosses Demeanor Either Expectation Expected Feminine Men Not Talking Other Project Seen Should Talk Talking Them Then Too Violates Ways Weak Whatever Woman Women You

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Mothers subject their daughters to a level of scrutiny people usually reserve for themselves. A mother's gaze is like a magnifying glass held between the sun's rays and kindling. It concentrates the rays of imperfection on her daughter's yearning for approval. The result can be a conflagration - whoosh.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Approval Between Daughter Daughters Gaze Glass Held Her Imperfection Level Like Magnifying Mother Mothers People Rays Reserve Result Scrutiny Subject Sun Themselves Yearning

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For many women, and a fair number of men, saying 'I'm sorry' isn't literally an apology; it's a ritual way of restoring balance to a conversation.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Apology Balance Conversation Fair Literally Many Men Number Restoring Ritual Saying Sorry Way Women

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For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: Connections Conversation Establishing Language Most Negotiating Primarily Rapport Relationships Way Women

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The contrasting focus on connection versus hierarchy also sheds light on innumerable adult conversations - and frustrations. Say a woman tells another about a personal problem and hears in response, 'I know how you feel' or 'the same thing happens to me.' The resulting 'troubles talk' reinforces the connection between them.

~Deborah Tannen

Topics: About Adult Also Another Between Connection Contrasting Conversations Feel Focus Frustrations Happens Hears Hierarchy How Know Light Me Personal Problem Response Resulting Same Same Thing Say Sheds Talk Tells Them Thing Troubles Versus Woman You

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Sociologist

Born: June 7th, 1945

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