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David Sedaris Quotes


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Quotes by David Sedaris

Showing 1-10 of 60 Quotes by David Sedaris

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

~David Sedaris

Topics: Arrange Birthday Birthday Party Certain Clown Forever Later Leg Like Mind Nice Odd Parents Party People Pony Really Remember Stick Then Things Time Two Will Years You Your

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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

~David Sedaris

Topics: After Apartment Art Basement Both Civilizations Combination Conceptual Conceptual Art Crystal Dangerous Destroy Discovered Either Entire Few Months Near Parents Potential State State University Things Took University Where

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I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?

~David Sedaris

Topics: Attention Away Bad Book Book Signings Child Getting Giving Go Hours How How Much Just Like Line Love Love You Loves Me Much Never Off Oh Part People People Say Say Someone Standing Why Worn Would You I Love

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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

~David Sedaris

Topics: Aid Argument Been Description Diary Every February Invaluable Joke Just Keeping Later Morning Most Often Quote Said Say Someone Something Use Whining Winning Write Years You I Can

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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

~David Sedaris

Topics: Candidates Case Change Ever Figure Got How Idea Just Keep List Long Long List Out People Prospective Should Slightest Still

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I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

~David Sedaris

Topics: After Becomes Blur Everything Five Go Least Me Movies Times Week While

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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

~David Sedaris

Topics: Feel Grammar Just Mouth New New Yorker Right Rules Sometimes Yorker

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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

~David Sedaris

Topics: Anything Electricity Fields French French People Generous Had Imagined Kind Like Nothing People Plumbing Too Were

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People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

~David Sedaris

Topics: Ask Asked Considered Dental Doing Ever Implants Less Me Offensive People Someone Stand-Up Would You

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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

~David Sedaris

Topics: Always Good Like People Policy Think Who You

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Writer

Born: December 26th, 1956

Links

Find David Sedaris on Amazon

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